multitaskings....

1) neruda porbo

2) mod khaabo

3) goru khaabo

4) gojol shunbo

5) ekta shoru komor wala pretty boy ke chumu khabo.

EKKHUNI!!!!!

wonder years

a friend of mine is leaving the country. once upon a time he was more than just "a friend"...he was my oldest friend...my closest friend...
no point in getting all nostalgic now. for the past 2 years, we have barely even been in touch. tomorrow i am meeting him for the last time before he crosses three oceans and disappears into some antipodal region. had it been three years ago i would have been so lost, so heart broken. today i don't know how to react, i don't know how to say goodbye. there's just SO much history. today i am just sad because i am wondering why i am not sad....
that's not entirely true. i am sad...though its not an straightforward sadness. i will miss him. not the person, but the idea. the fact that we were so close in some long-forgotten past life. because i know, when he boards that plane on thursday, that will be it, we will never ever really be friends again. the finality of that closure bothers me. it reminds of a way of life that's no longer there, of the only time in my life i was happy without any reservations..despite calculus, despite byartho prem.
..................."Good friends we have, oh, good friends we've lost
Along the way.
In this great future, you cant forget your past;"

kaminey!

i am arrogant, and pride is one of the seven deadly sins. tactlessness, though not officially in the list, is another deadly baby. i am being punished for that. that is just.

i am proud and stupid and tactless. and this world is full of opportunistic, two-faced, hypocritical, dirty, rotten scoundrels. and i just left it wide open for them. its a lesson that could only be learnt the hard way. i am glad i learnt it. whatever humiliation i have to bear is a necessary consequence of my folly, my rashness...

what i cannot accept with good grace, is that people i love and respect A LOT are stuck in this ugly morass because of my utter stupidity.

and in some tiny, almost imperceptible way, i know that i have failed them.

what is appalling though is the triviality and pettiness of it all...

homogenous empty flow

aaj bhi na aye aasoo
aaj bhi na bheege nain
aaj bhi yeh kori raina
kori laut jayegi...

catch 22

he is like nobody since i love him. if i could write i would write. but since i can't, i will quote. and keep burning in the meantime.
our petrarchan lover, poor chap, is truly buggered from all sides. never laugh at our petrarchan lover, gentle reader. one day his fate might befall you.
such misery, such desire, such torment, and when he looks at me and smiles all of a sudden a tidal wave of golden light. pure undiluted ecstasy.

pure nonsense, pure wisdom

The other day I was reading Neruda….that poem ..”and it was in that age, poetry arrived in search of me…” and it was so exquisite…autumn testament was always a favourite but this sort of took my breath away and I sms-ed a friend saying that there is nothing in the world quite as beautiful, (in every sense of the word ) as poetry. Not even the full moon on Chilka. Later I retracted my statement and said that it really depended on the mood. And the man who made me choose words over the full moon on chilka is saying that all he wanted to do was to learn about life from life itself…

“I'm going down into the streets.
I learned about life
from life itself,
love I learned in a single kiss
and could teach no one anything
except that I have lived
with something in common among men,
when fighting with them,
when saying all their say in my song.”

I want to learn about life too. I think that’s the only way you can actually write poetry. And feel poetry. And poetry comes in search of you…and you break your heart loose on the winds…Reading books…or rather only reading books somehow amounts to living life by proxy. The older I get the more I realize the absolute indispensability of books in my life, and the paradoxical inadequacy. I want more now. I want to live. And learn love through a single kiss.

split wide open.

i want to start afresh. every single goddamn thing. and then again i want everything-that-i-have-today to last forever. talk about horns of dilemma!!