Tuesday, February 28, 2006

with or without you

...you have started it again,why do you keep doing this to
me?every fuckin time i think that this is it,i'm not gonna
fall for this anymore,ever again in my life?
8 months of
effort is flushed down the drain by a 15 mins conversation,8
months of superhuman restraint,self control,self
castigation,8 months of supressed yearning,of desperate
desparate loneliness....all annihilated because of one
goddamn phonecall...no tell me,seriously,how do you do it?tell me,will i ever get over
you?give me a chance,guru,you cant just keep doing this to me
,you know...you cant just plough your way through my
defences,give me time,give me space,its hard enough without
you reappearing in my life every single time i heave a sigh
of relief ....or longing....whatever.
can't really blame you when at the back of my mind a little
voice keeps thrusting the truth in my face...that somewhere
deep down i do not even want to get over you,and though i
know nothings gonna happen between us ever,and though i know
i will never be satisfied with the "we-are-just-friends"
situation either,i still keep stumbling around in this blind
i don't wanna risk it again,i don't wanna let you know that you are the only person in this world who can make me cry,i don't want you to find out that as far as i am concerned,the rest of the world can go fuck itself as long as you are ok...and the gyanpaapi that i am,in full possession of my senses,totally aware of the consequences of my actions i walk straight ahead,unfalteringly......... 'coz i can't live with or without you...

Saturday, February 18, 2006

we,the whores...

the whores of jude...yeah people,thats what we've been
officially branded as,by a certain students union in our
university!and very frankly,my sense of modesty (if whores
have any,that is) is not outraged,if anything i am
amused....but then i am a fallen woman!
the whores:mojo(matal m***),sen(nati
m***),scorpionragz(porua m***)and yippie,the madame
anc:our pimp/regular client/test pilot
alluder:his sidekick
the morcha this time is,"ANC HATAO,LEDGE BACHAO"...anc
apparently causes visual pollution by cuddling up with
us,the inmates of his harem...and we being the sexually
depraved sluts,dont protest while he violates our chastity!well what can one expect of hussies?if we'd been good girls
i would have slapped anc everytime he tries to do a
porphyria on me(ie tries to strangle me with my hair),sen
would have filed a complaint with the antisexual harassment
cell (of which NG is in charge) when anc wiped his nose on
her hair,yippie would have pushed him off the ledge while he
unsuspectingly used her as a pillow,but then,as i said
before we are all fallen women,so....
hmmm....i think the poor dudes are
seriously,severely,sexually frustrated(am getting better at
this alliteration thingy)...i feel for them ,i genuinely
do!i understand their consternation at the apasanskriti we
are spreading like wildfire(or hiv??)by our shameless
behaviour,of course we are expected to overlook the fact
that they can conveniently overlook the people having sex or
having grass(according to their preference) on the stairs but the dudes should really get a grip on their fevered
imaginations and also get a life...its hightime!!!but i reiterate folks,we aren't pissed or hurt,we think you
are hilarious,keep up the good work of making our sides
split with laughter every now and then....come to think of
it,i might even vote for them this time.

Monday, February 06, 2006

aschhe bochhor abar hobe....

you know how people talk about their earliest memories...?i was trying to remember mine today,and i realized that almost all of them are inextricably linked with saraswati pujo....they don't form a coherent picture,just a few disjointed,unconnected bits and pieces which resurface from the abyss of forgetfulness...like that night in late january,my entire family(which amounts to close to 30 people)crammed at the back of a lorry,along with our saraswati thakur,towering majestically above half a dozen other diminutive idols(belonging to friends)the lorry thundering towards babughat,everyone screaming their respective heads off,and poor little three yr old me,sobbing my heart out on baba's lap because i was exiled to the front of the lorry by ma who thought i'd catch a cold in the open!...cut to another year(or was it the same one?)2 o clock at night,our drawing room full of people,thakur (the cook,not the goddess) bringing in cups of tea at regular intervals,the room reeking of homemade glue(flour boiled in water),everyone frantically cutting out patterns out of silver paper because the decorations were still incomplete and the pujo was in less than 5 hours,.....
i still live in that same eccentric joint family,saraswati pujo is still a huge affair,there is the same madness,pandemonium and reigning chaos,but every year i feel something slipping away...my jethus are mostly on the wrong side of 60,most of my cousins have shifted base to other metropolises..other countries even,so have my father's friends and their children,me and my battalion of friends still manage to infuse life in the pujo with our 'changramo'......dunno what will become of it after us...i mean maybe what was unimaginable to us ...9 no. bari without saraswati pujo...is slowly looming up as an inevitability.