merry christmas

i had five large pegs of rum in less than three hours. i had roast pork, chilli pork along with it. i sang, i danced and freaked the shit out of my friends, then with superb dignity and exemplary self control i asked for a bucket in which to throw up. i was handed one. i did the needful. then i washed it with detergent and antiseptic. then with equal poise and sobriety i said my goodbyes, was escorted home where my mother thrust the telephone into my hand and said "talk to your aunt!". i did.i discussed the merits and demerits of the present system of education (i think!) then i talked to my parents about bangla theatre in the 1970s. i politely declined dinner,read shakti and neruda side by side and discovered hitherto unfound significance in familiar images and rhetoric. then i discussed the various aspects of literature for two hours with a friend. i read "robibaar" for the two hundred and thirty second time and went to sleep. i have new found respect for myself. seldom have i seen a more intellectually inclined,dignified puker.
p.s. i woke up at five because of loose motion.

whats the use??

what is it exactly that i want to do? yes ladies and gentlemen, one of the great unanswerable questions that torment 20-year-olds across the world today....the answer of course is "ummm, i am not sure...maybe management or something, journalism is a definite possibility, or computers or stuff!!" (i should add "in most cases" to avoid controversy)
when i say "want" i mean what i really wish to do for the rest of my life, regardless of the actual probability (or lack of it) of my wish coming true,or the abilities or potential of the dreamer...what i want more than any thing else in this entire world, a life i envisage, i daydream about, not a life that i meticulously plan, not a concrete goal that i latch on to because i think its achievable and then work towards it with herculean determination and perseverence....not that, just what i would like to do...not the next best thing,or the next next best...but the foremost one, the most cherished one, the one secretly and jealously guarded forever, the one whose very existence we vehemently deny in front of friends and lovers and parents for the fear of sounding ridiculous, irrational, stupid, over-ambitious, impractical, and the dream that still lurks in our hearts after 30-years of toil, and reminds us intermittently that in spite of the flat i bought, the new car, my brilliant kids, my monthly pay cheque my life is one colossal failure...a huge farce...
a recent conversation led to this question, and i found myself saying the only thing i want to do, to keep doing for the rest of my life is to read books....just...just that...and i want a lot of money so that i dont have to go into the hassle of earning a livelihood and i can just read books, of all kinds, of all places and ages and people and kingdoms....and attend a couple of brilliant lectures now and then and just listen to really learned people...and learn, about people, about the world, and places and histories and philosophies and customs and languages and societies...bewildered my friend asked "kintu tarpor ki?eto porey ki korbi?"... equally flummoxed i replied "kichhu na..."..he said "taholey kyano?"..."kyano boi porbo?"why would i rather read books than do anything else?that is a question i never really asked myself,maybe because thats the only thing i can do, the only real addiction i can never kick....or maybe just....definitely not because of a specific agenda,not because i want to do something concrete with all that reading.....
my friend said dry intellect which is of no use to anyone is..err well...useless.thats okay. i agree. i dont really aspire to be useful. but i guess i'll just end up like my baba, whose secret dream was to eat countless marie biscuits dipped in endless cups of tea and keep reading books until he died, who became a stupid businessman instead, a reasonable profession and very useful....uselessness is genetic you could say....if you cant make head or tail of this really disjointed piece of shitty prose i dont blame you....

shilly point

Rules:
1. Put your MP3 player on shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write the name of the song no matter what. No cheating!

tagged by march hare person. very silly tag i say.

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY?” YOU SAY?
mera jeevan kora kaagaz..kishore(aha, ki angst!)
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
children of the grave...ozzy, konodin shunini(na, na, eta shonai-er line e ..ami oto morbid naaki?)
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
oh, pretty woman Roy Orbison (ektu gender-ta...maane ami khub shanghatik hetero kinaa..)
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
what else is there?Royksopp(oh es... i am bored, naholey ei tag keu korey?)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
ki aar korbo bolo :Chandrabindu (very apt, jodio prem trem shob-i bujruki)
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
overture: Rush (okay...if you insist)
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
where are you going? Dave Matthews Band (love this song, hate my friends!!!)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
save tonight : Eagle Eyed Cherry (really now??)
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
aamra baangali jaati :chandrabindu (yeah baby, i am so obnoxiously proud and parochial)
WHAT IS 2+2?
rush Tom sawyer, never heard it, what are these songs doin on my comp anyway?
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
beat it Michael jackson (ha ha ha, beat it!)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
hum hain raahi pyaar ke- nau do gyarah (the person i like better be flattered)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
tum aa gaye ho- aandhi (babbah!! ke tum bhai?)
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
with or without you-u2 (equivocation eh?)
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
set me free :velvet revolver..(shesh kaale ei?)
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
money money moneyabba (more like what i think about them)
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
yeh dard bhara afsana-kishore (keno?kar shonge biye hobe?)
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
dream on aerosmith (ektu ultey gechhey!)
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
in a little while U2 (yes, procrastination)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
dude looks like a lady aerosmith (now lets not get personal here!)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
fast car tracy chapman (kaiku?)
WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
love in an elevator aerosmith (this is getting inane and nonsensical now. why on earth?)
i tag scorpionragz (who has disappeared from blogosphere,) Rapid eye movement, and whoever has enough time to waste....

ever after....

My mother was 20 when she got married. My father was 25. She was still in college, he was earning exactly Rs.1100 a month. They got hitched. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE THINKING!!!I was not there to intervene, you see.. anyhow, they got hitched. She continued going to college, he refused to go to work for more than thrice a week. The rest of the time he sat at home and read incessantly. Every evening a bunch of rowdy, jobless changra chhnoras came over and created ruckus till 2am, after which point they debated whether to stay over (as usual) or go home (for a change!). Every evening.
During summer they went to Deshopriyo Park and whiled away the evenings with cha,chiney badam, and cigarettes. Then Ma finished her M.A. and got herself a job, it was becoming difficult to make ends meet. Didn't help much, though. She blew up her salary by the 15th of every single month. On food, on books and on travelling.
Whenever they managed to save a hundred bucks, they a)went for a movie with the entire gang b)went and bought obscure Russian novels c)went to Campari or Pao Chien and ate like savages. When they scraped together 500, off they went to Darjeeling, or Ghatshila or Shantiniketan often on a day's notice! And of course, intermittently the gang got sloshed, took out my Dadu's car and went for crazy long drives at 2am(evidently their favourite time of the day!)

27 years have passed since. The thin, timid girl of twenty who used to cry for her parents (who lived only three houses away!) at every given opportunity, and who scandalized her entire shoshur baari by wearing gloves while washing handkerchiefs, has become a large, shrill, ebullient, domineering school teacher types ginni. The guy who used to read for 12 hours a day is now a workaholic who goes out at8 in the morning, comes home at 10pm, and falls asleep every night with a book open in his lap. They have stopped giving books to each other on every birthday and anniversary. They fight from the moment they wake up to the moment they fall asleep. But they are still together. And strangely enough, still very much in love. And that is no mean feat.
The gang has dispersed. Baunduley bachelors have become much married men. But every Sunday, three or four of them turn up with beer bottles, and sit around till Ma yells and turns them out. All of them get together every pujo and make me blush with their keoramo. At times i feel ashamed.
But one thing i know...and that is, if 27 years from now I manage to have a life as warm, as fun, as secure and as honest as theirs, my gratitude to God would know no bounds. I know i dont say too many nice things about them,( nor for that matter, to them.) But here's to Ma and Baba, whol despite never having succeeded in making much money, have made such a brilliant life for themselves ....and for me!! Cheers...and touch wood!